You Never Arrive at a Place Where You Can Put Your Feet Up or Put Your Foot Down.
My interest in Group psychoanalysis came after I suffered a traumatic ordeal after my parents died in 2019. At the age of 5 years a relative inappropriately touched me. He was caring for me when my parents were not at home. This incident happened once and I informed my parents. Suffice to say I never saw him again. My parents moved to other side of the city and I carried on with my life and the event became a distant memory at times I was not even sure it happened.
When my mother died suddenly from cancer I was involved in organising her funeral. I met extended family members I did not know. I had no contact with them prior to the funeral. The night before my mother’s burial my father asked me to attend the burial. I thought this was a strange comment to make and I informed him of course I would. On the day of the burial I received a telephone call from my husband who was in the male section of the mosque. He informed me the men were going to leave without me. (My brothers were distraught with grief and the relatives had taken over the organisation of the funeral). I went out and one of the male relatives gave me a lift to the cemetery. He appeared in his car as I came out of the women’s section.
My husband informed me it was this relative who had been vocal that I should not attend the burial. My father had been placed in a car so he did not hear the conversation. My father died 3 weeks later as he was so distraught after my mother died. He died in hospital over three days. One of his cousins visited with a man I thought was an Iman and it turned out to be the man that had abused me as a child. I left my father’s room as I did not want to talk to this man.
After this incident I spoke to his brother who was on the management committee of a large mosque in the UK. Instead of supporting me his brother used his power and influence to isolate me as there was a fear I would go to the police. When my father’s burial took place 2 women came up to me in the mosque and one of the women was the wife of the man who had abused me. I found other women informing me they would not attend a burial. ignored them and attended my father’s burial. I did eventually report this man to the police. This story has relevance to my experience of the IGA and GASI.
Although I have worked with groups throughout my professional career in so many different settings, statutory social work, hospital social work teams, child and adolescent mental health teams, voluntary sector and with professional groups. I have to say I have never encountered the hostility and isolation that I had manage to create by raising concerns about a man who has abused me as a child. This made me wonder about groups and my role in groups. This brought me to the world of IGA and GASI. I thought I would learn, understand more about myself and I certainly did!
I completed the foundation year of Group Analysis at the IGA in 2020/2021. The course was on zoom during the pandemic. At the time I had no personal experience of group psycho- analysis. I understood if I were to train as a group psycho- analyst I should find a group psychoanalyst and join a group. So I did just that and I choose one of the lecturers on the foundation course and asked for a consultation. Interestingly years before this course when I was completing a Professional Doctorate at the Tavistock and Portman Clinic/UEL I had found a book about group psychoanalysis and this had made me curious about group psycho- analysis as a method of working with groups and individuals. The book had been written by this the same lecturer/group psychoanalyst I approached (after listening to his slot on the foundation course).
I was attracted to the idea of the conductor, matrix, and therapy from the group member as well as the conductor. I was also attracted to the idea that this form of intervention would be more access to people that could not afford conventional psychoanalysis/therapy. I felt this would be good method of working with groups and make therapy more accessible.
I had experienced psychotherapy in the past with three different psycho- therapists. First one( Jewish woman) when I worked in a specialist role which required psychotherapy. Second one whilst I trained in Humanistic Person centred counselling( black woman) and last one ( black man) when I worked in tier 3 and tier 4 adolescent Mental health Teams. I had felt positive about psycho- therapy and the benefits of psychotherapy. This time I thought I would try group psychotherapy in order to train as a group psychoanalyst.
I met the author of the book I had brought on group psychoanalysis on the Foundation course and I approached him privately without informing anyone on the Foundation course I was doing this. Although I did ask for recommendations from a couple of people and nothing adverse was said about this psychotherapist. I spoke to him for a telephone consultation and was informed I would have to have some individual sessions. Unfortunately, I did not proceed to his group after I asked for my money back. The individual sessions were on zoom and the psychotherapist was not coming on line for the time I had paid for and I raised concern about this.
I also did not know the psychotherapist’s partner was also on the foundation course held on zoom. The conductors of the small and large group did not inform me I found out myself after the course ended when I went back to the book and saw an acknowledgement to the partner. I felt upset no one had told me as I had criticised the practice of the psychotherapist unaware his partner was a fellow student on the course.
The foundation course ended with another fellow student reading a piece from the Satanic verses to me and I wondered why he did this. Was it to do with my criticisms of the some of the men that work in mosques in the UK? , I also had criticised a group- psychoanalyst who has been proactively involved with group psychoanalysis. There were parallels to my own experience in challenging the relative who had abused me. The other association for me was how Salman Rushdie had to go into hiding. I felt the same message was being given to me when a piece of the Satanic Verses had been read out to me.
The memory returned to my mind when Salman Rushdie suffered a life- threatening assault. I sought out the student and asked him why he had read out the piece from Satanic verses. He mentioned something about colonialism and he revealed the therapist’s partner had been in his small group I wondered if there had been a link to the psychotherapist I had criticised openly.
I forgot about group psychoanalysis after this encounter and decided I would not train and the practice of group psychoanalysis was not for me. I did make a complaint to the IGA but it was never acknowledged.
It was by chance information about the symposium came up on my LinkedIn. The psychotherapist I had encountered was one of the speakers. I also noticed white faces as the main speakers and presenting abstracts. I wrote about this on LinkedIn stating it was the same old thing (and wondered if things would change) in terms of addressing issues of race, racism, and intersectionality. I did submit an abstract on the topic of exploring race and racism in groups. But I decided not to present it after it had been accepted as I wondered if the psycho- analytical world wanted to listen to what I had to say as someone who is now not convinced by this method of practice.
I met the psychotherapist for the first time in person at the symposium. The encounter with him for the first couple of days were not pleasant. He may not be aware, but he gave me dirty looks and did not even acknowledge me or say hello. However after I raised in the large group how institutional racism and misogyny had been found in the Met police in London( also homophobia). The next day the psychotherapist spoke to me stating he was glad I had found a voice. After this I was encouraged to speak out and at times I did not want to as it was not my place to speak. I also wondered about the position I was being placed in reminded me of the experience I spoke about at the start of this paper.
I also recall different women coming up to me during the symposium saying various things( some of which are not appropriate) which reminded me of the some of the female relatives encouraging me not to attend my father’s burial.
I did not enjoy the encounter in the basement with the decolonisation group and I think there was some attempt to deal with my complaint about the IGA. I found the whole experience destructive and dysfunctional. I was then invited to the alternative group held on Sundays. I was informed it was a leaderless group. Well I have to say there is no group which is leaderless. I did not enjoy the group and it reminded me of the foundation course on zoom. The experience in the basement was also similar to the experience in the alternative group so I ceased attendance at this group. Since then I have also read about Malcolm Pines and learnt more about Foulkes. There have definitely been hostile attacks because I challenged a group. One colleague compared it to “ those who have been bullied go onto bully”.
My learning from these encounters are discussions about race, racism, misogyny, and homophobia need to be more mainstream, out in the open on the stage. I would also like to see more visible black faces. My definition of black is contained in my doctorate thesis entitled “ You never arrive at a place where you can put your feet or put your foot down. A study of conscious and unconscious processes in assessments of Black and ethnic minority families.( 2017) UEL Research Repository University of East London. Also the importance of supervision for psychoanalysts running groups no matter how experienced.
For now I am undertaking specialist training at the Tavistock Institute of Group Relations and I have found the training more liberating. It is a training which utilises the arts and I found this a safer and a more inclusive method of working with individuals and groups. I have also developed an interest in group relations and I have found more structure and containment in the group relations conferences I have attended so far. The whole issue of racism, misogyny and homophobia are dealt with in a more healthy and liberating way.
I guess for me my encounters with the IGA and GASI mirrored my experiences with relatives that I do not see or meet, but had to for a brief moment. I do not believe I had scapegoated or projected my anxieties into the IGA and GASI my experiences were real. But I do have higher expectations of professionals. This is not idealising professionals but certain standards do have to be maintained. I hope no one has the same experience as me and it may be wise to “ keep one’s mouth shut”. But then there would be no change. I would like change and I can also forgive. This my invitation for the world of group psychoanalysis to move forward and make the changes sooner rather than later. I would say changes can be made overnight. “Where there is a will there is a way”.
My overall sentiment is there is more that unites us than divides us. I have now moved on and I may return to group psychoanalysis in the future as anything is possible. I do wish all of you the best of luck in the journey ahead and may we all remain united.
Dr Rukhsana Farooqi Independent Social Work Consultant/Expert Witness.