Healing Our Universal Need for Connection – a Response to the Foulkes Lecture and Study Day
I am very new to GASI`s Foulkes Lectures, and I feel almost like an “unfeathered bird” in Group Analytical settings, having attended only two recent Conferences. Both of them impacted me deeply and motivated me to express my thoughts and feelings in writing.
“The Facts Matter”, the 46th Foulkes Lecture, gave me an impression of a “Pre-War” event. As one of the attendees, I witnessed a conflict that resulted in lots of Israeli representatives leaving the Conference before it ended. There was a conflict about the Israeli part in Palestine`s Community suffering. I was upset on behalf of Miriam Berger very much. Her reading touched my heart deeply, personally, and emotionally. There was a part of the history of my own country in her presentation as well, and I was moved by her family story. I also liked Joanna Skowronska’s response, which was well synchronized with Miriam`s reading, exploring similar life events from the times of the Second World War. I could get to my parents’ memories of connections between Jewish and Polish families in those horrendous times of the Nazzi Occupation. There was a communication after the reading that should have improved the integration of individuals within a social network (in that case, the network of Group Analysts), but it failed. People did not feel supported, and because of being hurt and misunderstood, they started to isolate themselves from others and part.
I was very curious but also anxious about the consequences of last year`s conflict and its impact on the 47th Foulkes Lecture. Despite the main topic being quite different, as it was now about communication and language, it was easy to predict and expect last year`s conflict continuation. Of course, it impacted enormously Israeli Group Analysts, and this year, they were represented by only one GASI member, the sad echo of last year’s incident when the “language war” started already. I was devastated listening to the first exchanges between an Israeli representative and a British Arab woman this year again. I knew the words were coming from anger, not from the place of vulnerability, and they could cause further damage to the relationships between the two women. I was coming to the Foulkes Lecture 2024 with a lot of hope that the atmosphere would change, and it did… later on. Listening to those two women’s dialogue at the end of the same Conference was precious and moving when the communication eventually changed.
The 47th Foulkes Lecture, “On The Impulse To Impart,” was an interesting discussion on the roles played by language and communication in Group analysis. I enjoyed all the presentations and responses, but one particular Felix Korf`s response went to the depth of my heart. Maybe because it seemed to me more personal, emotional, and engaging? It was a delight to listen.
One thing that became obvious to me during this conference was that language is not only about the words we use but also about feelings expressed through the words. Human beings are like walking dictionaries, with all colours of the language and its complexities. The diversity of spoken and written language, the richness of vocabulary, and clarity of expression all count while communicating with others, but very important is how we connect the language to the emotions that usually come together with our words.
Language can only express our thoughts but then it becomes “dry”, with no expression. If it is connected with feelings, it becomes a precise instrument for expressing more complex ideas, insights, and reflections. Language can`t be seen in isolation from other aspects of human lives, as it will become only an intellectual exercise. Even broader vocabulary broadens our horizons; emotional and body language play a significant role and impact communication in relationships. Thanks to language, we can heal the deep need for human connection. While developing our brains, we also develop our hearts, and it is beautiful to make them go together without any doubt.
I have two different hats I wear in my life. My old profession involved teaching languages. I first studied Spanish and French at Poland’s oldest University of Cracow. Then, after my emotional breakdown, I changed my interests and started to study psychotherapy. I know languages, and together with caring for people, it is important to know how we communicate with others. I realised that human connection is the key to keeping people together, but the power of the language we use is enormous and worth reflecting on.
In the Group Analysis, there is a constellation of multiple connections, and they have the potential to enormously enrich our need for humanity. We are social creatures. Our lives don`t happen in isolation. Lots of problems, if not all of them, happen in relationships. The opportunity to meet others in the open communication space can evoke intense emotional responses and brilliant cognitive exchanges. We can understand other people`s thoughts and sympathize with their feelings thanks to the spoken language. We also know that shared experiences can be universal, which removes a sense of human isolation. Foulkes believed in language, which defines human attributes. Creating and initiating a Group Analytic work, he knew that we could communicate, and, thanks to the connection network, or as a result, we could start to change and grow to become better versions of ourselves.
The end of the Conference proved that the power of communication can be beneficial in problem-solving situations. It left me again with hope that there is a chance to replace hatred with love. It was also a symbolic end of the War.
WORDS CAN KILL, WORDS CAN HEAL…
We must remember
What we say does matter
But no one is perfect
We all make mistakes
We are humans at the end of the day
Our words can kill others
Or they can have a bad influence
We must remember
What we say does matter
But no one was born hostile
We will have better communications
If we empathize with others
Making great use of our language
And even better with our smiles
We can heal others with the warmth of the heart
We must remember
What we say does matter…