Disappearing
How is it people disappear
When your hold on them feels sure?
When you saw them 3 weeks ago
In the garden
By the river
With their son
Your beautiful son
But had you already checked out?
Becoming hologram?
Though polished and performative
You were still, at one remove
Sombre
Preoccupied
I am hollowed by your leaving
And seeking substance in sugary things
And alcohol
And an urge to buy flowers
Huge clasping embraces of colour and chlorophyll
An easy grace and intercession
Holding this world at bay
But not my tears
And I am taken to the sea
To the cadaver-slap of cold water
The emetic sluice of salt
To excoriate the entangling sadness
Tearing at the senses
Shocking, elemental
But still a return:
And living precarious