Absence, More Acute Presence.
Diary of a journey in a median group outside national borders
Abstract
This paper aims to explore participation in a median group started in presence and then moved to the web due to SARS-CoV-2 pandemic containment measures. The author describes the beginning and development of the group over two years of attendance, dwelling on thoughts and emotions generated by the group dynamics he experienced first-hand. Finally, reflects on the professional changes he has undergone and explores some of the psychological and practical effects the pandemic has had on his life. Group Analytic thinking and the teaching of pat de Maré inspired the article.
Keywords
Experience, learning, dialogue, median group, large group, convenor, group dynamics, pandemic, here and now.
Absence,
more acute presence.
Vague thoughts of you
vague memories
disturb the calm hour
And the sweet sun.
Aching chest brings you,
like a light stone.
A. Bertolucci
Introduction
I will describe my personal and professional experience of attending a median group hosted in London five weekends a year. The median group, which falls between the small group of 7-8 people and the large group of over 30, pays attention mainly on cultural aspects, interactions and social myths. The convenor is not directive, remains relatively disengaged having in mind the aim of empowering participants to develop a transformative process based on dialogue (de Maré, 1991). The focus is on what happens here and now and the non-transference features are much broader than in the small group. The paper is written in the form of a diary, which, occasionally, involves time jumps and, despite some quotations, does not always meet the criteria of a scientific article. Basically, it is a self-narrative of the experience in order to assimilate it better and reflect on the changes it has produced in my thinking and in my life. The Italian version of this article was published in https://www.stateofmind.it/2021/07/gruppo-intermedio-psicologia/
Fragments of personal history
The first time I boarded an airplane was when I accompanied my paternal grandfather to visit his children in London; I was only 13 years old. Gatwick Airport immediately became the gateway to a new world that I would have crossed the next 20 years to work. With each of my summer departures, I was leaving behind the envy of my schoolmates, the rivalry of my siblings, the sadness of my mother and the approval of my father who collected my earnings. In London, I lived with my uncle G. who, with our entire extended family (a median group of almost twenty people!), worked profitably in the mobile catering trade. As soon as I came of age, I used my savings to pay for my university studies and bought a flat in Rome, upholding a very strong link with my “English” family and the city of London, which also gave me the excitement of my first love. I often returned to visit them and punctually experienced the melancholic reopening of the room of many memories and some regrets. After graduating in Psychology, I started working in a public mental health center and afterward trained in psychotherapy, I never cease to study. Therefore, I was immediately fascinated when I heard about a Large Group training course in London. I knew little about the median and large group, although as a student I attended a free median one convened by Rocco Pisani (2000) at Rome “Sapienza” University. In that group, despite the initial enthusiasm, I was overwhelmed with anxiety that I still remember and, after the second session, I did not return. This time, however, I would not have wasted the new opportunity!
Creating Large Group Dialogue in Organisation and Society
I read in the handbook that Creating Large Group Dialogue in Organisation and Society (CLGD) was a “study programme of connected residential workshops” of five weekends a year, running from Friday to Sunday afternoon at Roffey Park Institute, near London. The single days were divided into sessions of 60-minute (Social dreaming matrix) and 90-minute (Experiential median group, Seminar, Group consultation). According to the promoters, the aim of the course was “⦋…⦌ to make this workshops inspirational and transformative: to match learning with practice through group experiences, and through live “action research” based on your own working or living environment. ⦋…⦌ the intention is to enable you to develop your skills and knowledge so you are able to more confidently open the space for dialogue in setting of your choice.” I contacted the course promoter, Teresa von Sommaruga Howard, signed up, planned my schedule and within a few weeks I was on the plane.
On a cold January afternoon in 2019, I arrived at Gatwick from where I went to the course venue with three colleagues I had just met. I was very excited and scared, but when Teresa, Göran Ahline and Mike Tait greeted us with humanity and helpfulness, I felt reassured. At that time, the multi-national group consisted of 15 scholars and 3 convenors. The different sessions allowed each member to choose times and ways to share his or her own experiences. During the breaks was available excellent food that we ate in large, warm and welcoming rooms; the bedrooms were no less.
Being within the median group
The fact that the “English-speaking” part of the group felt minority and mortified by the political consequences of Brexit struck me almost immediately. The theme of language, differences and field/space will characterize many meetings. At the beginning, I was confused and felt in awe, but then I tried to look at myself from outside and realized that I was able to interact and reflect together with others about mutual differences and equalities. However, I do not deny that I also needed to maintain some of my private spaces.
The different geographical origins, the wide range of cultures and the richness of the participants’ experiences encouraged me and quite soon, I felt the enrichment of my thinking. At other times, I even had the impression of getting to know myself better by observing the reaction of others and the image of myself given me back by the group. According to de Maré (1975, p. 147) in the large group – perhaps in the median group too – there is a “[…] mutual knowing of each other inter-experientially, inter-subjectivity, developed to its fullest extent, might lead also to an expanding of consciousness, since consciousness itself is by derivation a process of knowing with others”.
At the end of the first weekend, about to leave the venue, I could not remember the passcode of my mobile phone; I interpreted this slight amnesia as an exhausting transition to being again who I was in other places. I had merged with the experience of the here and now and a part of me resisted returning to the there and then? (Turquet, 1975). At the same time, as we were sipping our last coffee, I begged my colleagues not to let me book a taxi to the airport. Teresa commented that perhaps the group would help me to review my parental role. While appreciating her observation, I defended myself by claiming that two personal psychotherapies had changed me little. Göran added, “Don’t worry, Fiore. Each of us carries something unfinished inside.”
In the following meetings, the presence of new staff members would disturb the group atmosphere, but, in time, the aim of not forming a self-referential “sect” and keeping the group membrane permeable would become clear. Despite this, it was not always easy for me to accept the presence of new people, so much so that one night I dreamt of killing a dog. The anguish and shame generated by the dream made difficult to share it in the social dreaming (SD), at the end of which, as usual, we realized a common drawing on a large sheet. The spontaneous visualization of my father’s dog and cat playing together calmed the anguish and allowed me to draw a smiling cat face. Shortly afterwards, F. erased the smile from the cat’s face to which I later added vibrissae. While observing myself in interaction and comparing the experience of those moments with my network of interpersonal relationships, I realized that, sometimes, I take refuge in compensatory fantasies to relieve anxiety. Anxiety that, on some occasions, still pushes me to make a few too many jokes that, perhaps, also help to dilute the emotional stress of the group.
Since the beginning of the course, I realized that was necessary for me to set learning goals for possible personal and professional changes:
- “The median group is a transitional space for exiting Kinship (the narcissistic family) and entering Kithship (citizenship-society)” (Pisani, 2000).
- “The function of convenor ⦋in the median group⦌ is to put individuals in a position to gain individuation in a more developed atmosphere of social interactions” (Pisani, 2000).
- Trusting, tolerating fears and emotional intimacy in the group.
- Valuing doubts and activating cooperation in full recognition of otherness.
New guests at the last meeting of the first year, although generating discontent related to previous external events, stimulated an interesting reflection on the concepts of inside/outside, us/them dynamic, on the quality of relationships and on the permeability of group boundaries. In this regard, Hinshelwood (1987), talking about small groups, distinguishes the concept of “barrier” from that of “boundary”. The first describes a defensive closure that compromises the growth of the group, while the second must be permeable and flexible to enable each member to assert their individuality. One of us argued that it would be better to know guests’ names in advance, that the boundaries of CLGD were too flexible and some workshops too much alike. I thought it was an attack on leadership, but I did not have the courage to express myself. Teresa calmly explained that the structure, but especially the content of the workshops, could change in order to house everyone’s proposals. This issue would emerge on other occasions too; in fact, I remember that R. would be disappointed when we declined to invite her colleagues. In the same meeting, S. stated that she often felt “forced” to speak on behalf of others, assuming that the group transferred some of its thoughts into her mind. Thinking at the role of the spokesperson, I confessed that I sometimes avoided speaking and felt relieved when others did. Pichon-Rivière (1970) describes the spokesperson as someone who, at a certain point, voices something that is the sign of a group process that had been covert or implicit up to that moment and that, for the good functioning of a group, needs to be decoded. Mike will also invite us to contribute more in the group. In fact, R., despite having often said she felt excluded, will first lead us in a body experience and then lead a creative writing session. I will illustrate the proposal to write a collective book. Convenors informed us that CLGD, perhaps because designed outside an institution, had a long lead-time; additionally, it was challenging them to involve other colleagues and to obtain the sponsorship of the IGA and GASI. I often have the impression that everything we do is, in some way, influenced by feelings and actions that circulate inside and outside us. Indeed, it is well known that complex dynamics and relational interdependencies, both conscious and unconscious, characterize every human context. Complexity requires careful exploration and understanding. As CLGD states, every human process of clarification and understanding is based on dialogue, which however needs to be learned. De Marè (1991) states that in the median group individuals learn to talk and manage the emotions that emerge. In this way, the ego is trained to cope with the repressive forces and emotions aroused and gradually learns to speak and think spontaneously, creating the conditions for the affirmation of its individuality.
The beginning of the second year
At the start of the second year, I found myself in a dilemma due to the dead end proposal to run a psychiatric day center (DC). Accepting it, I would have had to abandon the psychotherapy groups I had been conducting for years. I felt frightened, distressed and a little confused because I would have liked to accept the management of the DC without giving up the group psychotherapies. I was not afraid of the increase in work, but perhaps a little doubtful about my ability to manage people, complexity, change, demotivation and stress. I had expressed doubts and alternatives to my manager, but she insisted that I had to accept this “promotion” without compromise. Not being able to choose freely and the fear of change produced in me expulsive thoughts and fears of losing long-term links. I even thought that my boss was jealous of me and wanted to eject me because I was inconvenient for her, which is why the Latin phrase promoveatur ut amoveatur kept coming back to me. Confessing my ambivalence towards power, I asked the group for help who pointed out to me that ambivalence is not always negative. The dilemma I was experiencing, as painful as it was, embodied an opportunity for a real confrontation with complexity, the Italian oppressive bureaucracy and the institutional entanglements and dynamics. Although a part of me really wanted to take on this challenge, another part saw itself as lonely and crushed by expectations of managers and demands of co-workers. The group reassured me, validated my emotions and allowed me to look beyond my concerns. From that moment on, I would have been more plain in my conversation with my boss and more tolerant and benevolent towards my fears and resentment. Two months later I signed a satisfactory agreement with my boss: I would have spent three days a week managing the DC and two conducting psychotherapy groups.
Pandemic and virtual life
The second weekend unfolded in a climate of uncertainty and expectation because Europe was about to fall into a tragedy caused by the Covid-19 virus. On the eve of my departure, doubts and anxiety were growing by the hour because I did not fully understand the extent of the pandemic, there was confusion and bewilderment around me and our institutions were in panic. I set off with the fantasy that, if subjected to quarantine, I would have spent two weeks with my family in London. Arrived at destination, despite the health alert, I had the impression that skepticism and a hint of sarcasm characterized the climate. At the same time, the sanitary situation in Italy was deteriorating by the hour, so much so that a few days later dreadful images of military trucks carrying hundreds of coffins to the crematoriums stunned everybody. My colleagues were at the same time very curious about what was happening in my country, surprised that I kept my distance and avoided physical contact. At the course venue, I felt a strange calm, even though there were hand-sanitizing gels in place and written invitations to wash hands, people did not wear masks or respect physical distancing. During the workshops, I clumsily kept covering my face with a scarf and systematically avoided physical proximity, feeling a bit ridiculous; unfortunately, I could not fully share my experiences.
During that weekend, three more people were with us: two consultants (D. and I.) and S., a Croatian scholar who will not come back again. I had read an interesting article by I. on “reflective practice in anxious times” and, despite the pleasure of meeting him and being with my colleagues, I was very apprehensive. I slept badly and one night I dreamt that, my mourned sister’s house was inexplicably smoky and full of soot that my and my partner’s efforts could not clean up. In the morning, I woke up in anguish, afraid that I would never see my colleagues again, sad and concerned about my family. My uneasiness continued both throughout the workshops and afterwards, so much, so that fatigue took over me and at the airport I fell asleep on a seat and almost missed the plane. In spite of this, I felt the need to update on my work. The guests will help us to focus on how it can feel when one attends the first time a long-standing group and with them, we also reflected on the concepts of leadership, authority and individual responsibility. We will analyze our own experiences in this regard and explore the “resistance” towards the staff’s proposal to update our projects. We will also reflect on the lack of communication between meetings. Shall we use an e-platform to strengthen our connections and reduce distances? The group was not very sure what to do about it; according to I. it still needed to protect its secure enough environment. Finally, encouraged by our convenors, we decided to create Canto Hondo, a group chat in Slack. This virtual space will allow us to get to know each other better, consolidate our bond and toughen the group identity. The role of the staff was becoming more and more defined. Jarrar (2003, p. 36), talking about the large group and its unconscious, argues that the task of counsellors is « […] to create and foster an atmosphere that facilitates and encourages sustainable and active development of dialogue between and among individuals and subgroups. Widening the circle of participation and inclusion of diverse voices is a desirable and worthy goal. The emphasis is on dialogical encounters, in which participants discover their own unique subjectivity and in turn discover that of the “others”».
Saturday evening’s group consultation took in both K.’s “crisis”, as J. called it, and the developments in my own work. I was so engrossed in my own story that I did not realize the time was over. Although I felt a bit uncomfortable because I was crossing boundaries, I took up the subject again in the next session. According to I., I was becoming a scapegoat because my professional style was indigestible for my boss, who therefore needed to expel me. Talking about the here and now, J. supposed that K. and I were overwhelming the group with too many personal problems. I do not know if J. voiced the thought of the group or of a part of it, but I felt ashamed to have flooded the group. All this, however, released the reflection on the differences between the small and the median group. In fact, while the small group is more focused on the intrapsychic conflict, in the median one the socio-cultural context is expressed and underlined, or rather there is a greater correlation between the intrapsychic and the social (Pisani, 2000). In other words, while the small group evokes experiences known for the first time within the family and allows its participants to learn to express feelings, the median group evokes social and macro-cultural experiences and fosters the development of dialogue between the participants so that they can learn to express thoughts (de Marè, 1991). Maxweel (2000, p. 39) allows us to better understand the meaning of the word dialogue. Initially I thought that dialogue was simply the art of talking to another; but then realized that the word did not have its root in “di”, which means two, thereby implying a conversation between two people, just as monologue is one person speaking; rather is the root in the Greek “dia”, which is “through” or “across”, as in diameter, through the centre, or diagonal, from corner to corner. This new understanding helped us to see that dialogue is possible among many people, and embraces the notion both of speaking across, and of going through the centre. It also means moving out of our own centre, in the appreciation that our personal meaning is a duet between ourselves and the world,and that, essentially, we are related to others and to life.
According to Socrates and Plato, dialogue is a “coming together”, a stimulating group work that teaches active participation, listening, tolerance and respect for others’ thinking. The spirit of the so-called Socratic dialogue is precisely that of a group search that stimulates new questions in participants. This practice, through the suspension of prejudice and judgement towards the speaker, invites to separate opinion or thought from those who explain it. CLGD represents an excellent opportunity for participants to imagine, as Arendt (1973) argues, that another person may be right and an unmissable opportunity to try to bend one’s own intention and integrate it with that of others. According to Gadamer (2013), only dialogue, that dialectic of question and answer that feeds the circular movement of understanding, can lead to the experience of truth.
The physical distancing I carefully adopted during the second weekend in London added to or covered up the apprehension that appears to me whenever emotional closeness reduces. It is as if I was replacing the fear of emotional contagion with the fear of physical contagion, which justifies the distancing. A similar thing may happen with the use of the mask, which, by protecting from the contagion of the virus, also protects us from showing feelings through facial expressions.
At one point, in the session following Sunday’s SD, I was lost in chasing unconnected fragments of memories, dreams and images. It was only when Teresa told me “put it into words, Fiore,” that I was able to put the pieces of my consciousness back together, to sort my thoughts and talk about them. As a result, the group generated more thoughts that, in a recurring circularity, modified my early thought.
The pandemic brought whole planet to its knees and in the spring of 2020, Italy adopted harsh containment measures for 69 days. Closure of the borders and block of passenger transportation across cities, obligation of social distancing, use of masks and gloves. Shut down of schools, public services, social events and inessential job activities, continuous indoor disinfection, up to complete lock-down with prohibition to leave the house, if not for essential needs. It was a collective trauma and despite the disorientation and devastating anguish, we began to transfer our daily activities to the web. The same fate befell CLGD, which decided to meet monthly. The absence of physical contact, the suspension of social life, the forced home cohabitation, the sense of helplessness and the anguish of death were unbearable at that time! I would drive in a completely deserted city to get to work where, in the absence of users, I began editing a book on the pandemic. Reading, writing, interactions on Slack and virtual CLGD meetings were my backbone. The summer brought with it the illusion of a return to normality, but in the autumn the pandemic returned with devastating punctuality, causing in six months more than 3.000.000 deaths worldwide. At Teresa’s suggestion, we joined a large group called Alternative Large Group (ALG), which meets online every Sunday. I still cannot guarantee a constant presence because, as Turquet (1975) argues, I feel an internal conflict between two forces, that of belonging and that of pulling back. The author (ibidem, p. 99) claims: Although this conflict may be true of all relationships, in the large group, the polarity as experienced by the interacting but struggling singleton is, in extreme terms, either isolated apartness or a complete fusion with or loss in. The large group reveals the singleton’s difficulty in preserving an interactive psychological distance between himself and the “other”, be the “other” an event, an experience or a member. In the ALG, although as a bystander, I experienced anxiety and discomfort that, in some ways, evoked memories of the political assemblies I attended as a university student. They were gatherings that falsely professed dialogical encounter and democracy, often assuming the characteristics of proper hordes, within which sub-groups acted out their anger in social sabotage as well as physically clashing within themselves and with opposite political factions. If the individual did not align with the dominant thinking, would be marginalized, expelled or even beaten; indeed, I remember a leader openly declaring “political slapping” to persuade dissidents.
After more than a year of pandemic, the anguish, grief and restrictions have still not disappeared, despite the hope that the start of vaccination campaign is bringing. With the pandemic, despite having little experience of working online, I have managed to provide my clients with constant psychological services. Recently, however, I realized that the high level of online work was putting my health at risk and so I tried to reduce my engagement. I feel the need to protect my mind and my private space from the endless intrusions of virtual events that take place at any time of the day or night, and I often attend them from my single home computer station. Attending a full weekend conference from home, where I am not alone, somehow distracts and disturbs me. It is almost impossible to protect and separate the different spaces (professional, intimate and family), as well as when training and work took place outside the home. Currently, CLGD is in its third year and unfortunately still takes place online.
Conclusions
CLGD experience is teaching me to think collectively, to appreciate the multiplicity of feelings and to tolerate suspension of action and diversity, aspects that I am trying to transfer into my professional practice. I have been in charge of the DC for a year now coordinating two groups of operators coming from different backgrounds that often quarrel, generating conflicts and acting out. Having GLGD in mind, I try every day to pursue the goal of collaboration and negotiation with the aim of strengthening common ground through dialogue. In addition to mourning, the pandemic has generated fear, disorientation, and uncertainty in social relations and considerable changes in our daily habits. Smart working has made people internal and external boundaries liquid, flooded spaces and reduced those vital moments of decantation. During the breaks of a “normal” conference, sipping coffee with colleagues, I would talk, listen, look into their eyes and smell their perfume. The physical distance from home protected me from other tasks allowing to live fully those “now moments” and to inhabit the same space as the embodied group; all this, although tiring, brought with it pleasure and belongingness. If other occurrences capture the mind during breaks, that delicate group climate generated through the screen breaks up and becomes highly stressful to return to suspended commitment. I do not think it is enough asking family members to keep quiet, switch off the phones and lock oneself in a room.
Leaving home and moving towards a destination – as well as returning -, even if we consider them as “automatic behaviors”, contribute to creating the necessary mental state to plunge into a new task. At the end of CLGD’s live meetings, I would enjoy the taxi ride to the airport and after the boarding formalities, I would look for a quiet place and start writing a report, something I unfortunately did not do anymore when we moved online. Writing in the airport waiting lounge – a transitional space that suspends the before from the after – soothed my travel anxiety and laid the groundwork for returning to everyday life. Writing also allowed my mind to begin a digestive process to metabolize and process those raw emotional data or beta elements (Bion, 1962; 1967a) generated from CLGD sensory and emotional experience. In this regard, Bion (ibidem) postulates the presence of a mental apparatus (alfa function) with the specific purpose of eliminating the object residues of the beta elements, thus making them available for a thought oriented towards the modification of reality.
The upheaval caused by the pandemic and the almost absence of embodied relationships have produced a change in me with traumatic overtones that requires deepening, adjustments and readjustments, including physical ones. The first thing that seemed right to do was to reduce virtual commitments and activate new thought processes about my relationship with time, space and work. A second thing to consider, while waiting to be able to relive the physical and mental presence, will be to move the virtual professional activity to another “safe” space in order to decontaminate the home one and reactivate the passage between inside and outside and fully relive its transitional value.
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Fiore Bello is a clinical psychologist and group psychotherapist. Mental Health Department ASL ROMA2, Italy.