Fiore’s experience

In dreams begins responsibility . . .

My dream began when I read this sentence and, without any doubt, I can say that it continued throughout the sixth edition of the GASI summer school in Dublin. Dublin city immediately welcomed me with an almost wintry climate that washed away the pains of the Italian heat and a unique emotional atmosphere that reduced my fears of the unknown and renewed my passion for groups. I am not a group analyst, but I have been involved in groups and group therapy for many years, during which time, as I had been taught, I exercised the role of “expert conductor”, which, to be honest, had already entered into crisis four years ago when I started attending the Creating Large Group Dialogue course in London. At the GASI summer school, I was able to observe and interact with colleagues from many parts of the world who were almost all helpful, welcoming, creative and empathic. Briefly, I entered a small community that from the first moment put humanity and knowledge at its core without presumption and prejudice. The physical setting (St. Patrick’s College, University of Maynooth) also contributed to making me feel welcome. I was comfortable in the social dreaming, small group, supervision group and seminar where, despite some difficulties with language comprehension, I never lost the flow of group thought and emotion. In the large group, on the other hand, I found it difficult to tune in, to connect with others. The physical environment did not facilitate listening and the fact that many people spoke in low voices made me think that one part of the group unconsciously wanted to punish another. This experience confirms to me the large group activates in me various ancestral fears with emotions such as shame and fear of not being understood and of being excluded and neglected. Furthermore, during this experience, I realized that elements of racial difference also exist within me, despite having always denied them. My country, Italy, does not have a long history of colonialism and immigration from other countries and therefore, like the majority of my fellow citizens, I felt immune to racial feelings. I was able to look inside myself without defenses and found that being white and European sometimes leads me to feel superior to those who have skin of another color and perhaps live in a socio-economically disadvantaged condition. However, I have experienced that these feelings can be expressed, discussed and definitely overcome and this is a new learning for me. During the large group, I was able to be with my emotional turmoil, with my bad thoughts and feelings, and although I could not talk about them, I did not escape them. I think it was a new beginning both as a therapist and as a man.

Fiore Bello, clinical and health psychologist, individual and group psychotherapist. Runs a social rehabilitation day center in the Italian health service.